Thursday 29 September 2011

Fresher's Flu

Following the examples of countless PhD students and other postgraduates before me, I declare that undergraduates have become the bane of my existence.

This declaration was brought to you by the annual bout of fresher's flu. Well, I think it may only be a cold, but any sniffles occurring mid September to mid October are categorised as the fresher's flu. Such conceptualisation implies several things. #1. Spread of germs increases exponentially when tens of thousands of students come together in one place.  #2. It is the fresher's fault. #3. It is an epic-demic rivalling bird flu and swine flu and the best strategy of avoiding it would be to avoid undergraduates (as you would birds or pigs).

If a smartphone app was to be made of the fresher's flu, I would be happy to catapult both birds and pigs at freshmen.

The arrival of undergraduates is a migratory pattern that you won't be able to miss. First, the streets fill with cars bursting at the seams with their belongings. Mums and dad's move their goslings into their student accommodation. As soon as they leave and the evening descends, the newly arrived undergraduates transform in a werewolf like manner into intoxicated clubbers. During the day time, they will fill the campus, dragging their hung over selves around like zombies in the morning and bursting with adorable excitement for the new uni experience in the afternoon.

They will continue to torment me as I will eventually have to teach them and worst of all, grade their work. I will also have to answer their e-mail queries with kind words and guidance, when all I want to do is get a rubber stamp and go around smacking "I have brain flatulence" onto their foreheads.


In summary: Undergraduates are germy and become annoying when you are no longer one of them.


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